Samuel Hopkins · 3 of 22

Sermon III. On Christian Friendship, as it subsists between Christ and Believers, and between Believers themselves. · WRITTEN IN THE YEAR. I767.

On Christian Friendship, as it subsists between Christ and Believers, and between Believers themselves.

Cant. v. 16. This is my beloved, and this is my friend.

FRIENDSHIP affords the highest and most sweet enjoyment that is to be had in this life, or that rational creatures are capable of. Yea, it is in some sense the only source of real enjoyment and happiness; so that to be perfectly without this, in every kind and degree of it, is to be wholly destitute of all true enjoyment and comfort. This gives pleasure and sweetness to all other enjoyments, and without this they all fade, and become insipid and worthless; yea, every thing will be rather a burden, and worse than nothing: whereas, this will give a degree of enjoyment and pleasure, when stripped of every other good; so that he who is in circumstances to exercise and enjoy friendship is in a degree happy, let his situation and condition otherwise be what it may: and it is impossible he should be perfectly miserable, so long as he is within reach of this sweet, this heaven-born cordial.

It is probable that the most voluptuous sensualist that lives would in a great measure lose his high relish for the pleasures he is so eagerly pursuing, and all his sweets would be turned into bitterness, if he should feel himself perfectly, and in every sense, friendless: for none can be found, however sunk and sordid their minds have become by vice, who have no sort of taste for friendship; though it may be, on the whole, a very corrupt taste. To be sure, if any such may be found, they seem to be sunk, in this respect, below the brutal creation; for it is observed that among them there is an appearance of love of society, and at lead a resemblance of love and friendship.

However lost to all true friendship mankind in general are, yet a desire of the esteem and love of others is found in every breast, and is as essential to man as a desire of happiness; and therefore cannot be rooted out, but by destroying his natural powers, by which he will cease to be man.

Hence it is that no inconsiderable part of the future misery of the wicked will consist in feeling themselves perfectly friendless, and the objects of the hatred and contempt of all intelligent existence in the universe, while they find themselves in every respect in the most wretched, deplorable circumstances, and have a most keen aversion to being hated and contemned, and a strong desire of the love and esteem of others.

As real or disinterested benevolence is essential to true friendship, we have reason to think there are but few instances of it in this degenerate, selfish world; and where it does take place in any degree, it is in a very low and imperfect one; so that what many in all ages have been convinced of and asserted from long experience, may be relied upon as a certain truth, that this is a friendless world. However, there is a sort of friendship, which is at bottom a merely selfish thing, being founded only in self-love, or which is the result of what may be called instinct, or natural affection; which is very common, and in many instances rises very high, and answers many valuable purposes to mankind in this present state, it being many ways of great service to mankind, as it prevents many evils that would otherwise take place, and promotes the good of society, and often gives a degree of pleasure and enjoyment. But, so far as true virtue or holiness takes place, a foundation is laid for a different kind of friendship, which is immensely higher, more noble and excellent, and consists in exercises and enjoyments which surpass those of all other friendships, more than the exercises and enjoyments of improved reason excel those of a brute, or the brightness of the meridian sun, that of the meanest glow-worm.

And God has, in his adorable wisdom and goodness, contrived and provided that this friendship should be exercised and enjoyed in the highest perfection, being raised to the greatest possible heights, attended with the best and most advantageous circumstances.

The scripture leads us to conceive of the Deity as enjoying infinitely the most exalted and glorious friendship and society in himself, for which there is a foundation in the incomprehensible manner of his subsistence in the three persons of the adorable Trinity. Here eternal love and friendship takes place and flourishes to an infinite degree, in an infinitely the most perfect and glorious society, the ELOHIM, the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. And the society and friendship for which men are formed by holiness, without which they cannot be perfectly happy, may be considered as an imitation and image of this, by which they are made in the likeness of God, and partake with him in the same kind of happiness, which he enjoys to an infinite degree. And, in order that men might partake with him in the exercise and enjoyment of love and friendship to the highest degree and the greatest advantage, God has not only laid a plan to promote and effect the highest and most perfect love and friendship towards each other in the most exalted and happy society forever; but has so contrived, that they shall be brought into the nearest and most intimate union and friendly intercourse with himself, by which they shall in some sense, yea, to a great degree, be united to the Eternal and most Glorious, divine Society, and partake of the same river of enjoyment and pleasure, which proceeds from the throne of God and the Lamb, in a peculiar and eminent sense.

To effect this in the best manner and to the greatest advantage, the invisible God, who eternally dwelt in the high and holy place, infinitely beyond the comprehension and reach of a creature, must come down, and make himself viable, that he might be the head, the life and soul of a visible and most glorious society. This has been done in the incarnation of the Son of God, by which the greatest purposes of God’s moral kingdom are answered in the highest possible degree, and all happy intelligences, especially the redeemed from among men, are brought into a near union with God, and are under special advantages to receive communications from him, and enjoy his love and friendship in a manner and degree which could not have been in any other way. This is the mutual love and friendship spoken of in the text, which takes place between the incarnate Son of God, the divine Redeemer of lost men, and his church or spouse, or every one of the redeemed.

He is in a peculiar and distinguished sense the friend of the redeemed; and he is the beloved of their soul in a sense and degree in which no other person is, or can be: and hence there is a mutual love and friendship between them, which is beyond comparison the most intimate, intense, sweet and exalted of any thing of the kind between any other friends and lovers, unspeakably surpassing all other friendships in nature and degree, attended with the highest, most noble, transporting, foul-ravishing enjoyment and delight, that can possibly exist, or be conceived of.

This union of hearts, this mutual love and friendship between Christ the Redeemer and Saviour, and believers in him, or the redeemed, is represented in scripture by the inclination and affection between the two sexes of which mankind consist, under the influence of which they mutually seek and come into a peculiar union and intimacy with each other, in which they may enjoy each other, and be happy in the exercise of mutual love and friendship. It is represented by the sweet love and affection between the bridegroom and his bride, and the mutual love and friendship, and solemn engagements, by which the husband and his spouse are united, and become one, and are happy in each other. And this similitude is, beyond doubt, most wisely and properly chosen, by which to represent this spiritual union and friendship, as it is in many respects the most lively, striking emblem and image of it that can be found in all nature; and is especially calculated to give men the best and most clear idea of it, and to give and keep up in their minds a conviction and sense of the reality, nature and happiness of such a union, love and friendship.

This seems to be the design of this song from which the words of the text are taken. It is indeed a Love-song, in which the highest, most noble, pure and honourable love and friendship between Christ and his people is represented and celebrated under the similitude of two lovers whose hearts are united in the strongest, the most pure and sweetest love of esteem, benevolence and complacency, in the exercise of which they desire and seek the enjoyment of each other in the nearest union and greatest intimacy, in the near relation of husband and spouse. This is therefore called The Song of Songs, i.e. the most excellent song, especially the best and most excellent of all the songs of Solomon, which we are told were a thousand and five, as the theme, the subject and matter of it, is by far the most important, entertaining, excellent and sublime; in order to which Solomon was divinely inspired.

As the virtuous, pious and pure love between a man and his spouse is in many respects the most lively and instructive image of the union and love between Christ and his church, God, in his wisdom and goodness, saw fit to give such a representation of it in a divine song, as what was greatly needed, and would be exceeding useful to his church and people. And though the carnal and inattentive, or those who are strangers to this divine love and friendship, may call it all foolishness, and in their boasted wisdom despise and ridicule it, or improve it only to carnal, low and obscene purposes; yet the children of true wisdom will justify the wisdom of God herein, and adore his goodness, while they find themselves instructed, quickened and edified hereby. And every true, chaste virgin who is espoused to Christ as the best friend and spiritual husband, will attend to it, and meditate upon it, with a peculiar relish, and sweet and holy delight, which unspeakably surpasses every thing the unholy soul can enjoy, or even imagine. The words of the text are the conclusion of the answer to a question put to the spouse, viz. What is thy beloved, more than another beloved? She readily answers, by giving a particular description of his charming beauties and superlative excellence, by which he is distinguished from all others, the chief among ten thousands; and then sums up all in one word, by saying, He is altogether lovely. He has the highest beauty, excellence and perfection, and has nothing else. Having thus given his character, she says, with reference to the question. This is my beloved, and this is my friend. This is the person, this is the character, with which I am so deeply in love; I am not ashamed to own him to be the beloved of my soul. And this is my best friend, whole heart is set on me, and he loves me as much as I can desire.

The mutual love and friendship between Christ and the believer, you will observe, is expressed here. The true Christian has set his love on Christ; he is his beloved; he has given his heart to him, as to one who is the chief among ten thousands, and altogether lovely. And Christ loves him most tenderly, in the character of a true, faithful and all-sufficient friend and patron, and so returns love for love.

The words do then lead us to attend to Christ, as he is here pointed out, in the character of the beloved friend of his people, the redeemed from among men.

It may be said in general, that Christ, the glorious head and husband of his church, has every thing in him that can possibly come into the character of the best friend, and that to an inconceivable and infinite degree; and there is nothing belongs to him but what serves to complete and perfect this character; yea, he is at an infinite distance from every thing else. And his relation to his people, and all his conduct towards them, are such, and such are all the circumstances of this friendship, as to conspire to make it the most sweet, ravishing, noble and exalted that in the nature of things can be; and render him in the highest possible degree a desirable, worthy and excellent friend.

But, for the better illustration of this point, the following particulars may be attended to.

1. He is the most able friend, even an omnipotent and all-sufficient one. He can do whatever he pleases. He has a sufficiency of power and wisdom in all possible cases, and is perfectly able to do for his friends, who love and trust in him, whatever they need, or can possibly want to have done. All other friends are deficient in this respect: though they may have some sufficiency and ability to do some things for us, yet it is but infinitely little they can do, compared with what we want to have done. We are infinitely needy; and must be eternally most miserable and wretched, unless we have some friend to help us, who is fully able to go through with the work, and do all we want to have done, even in the most extreme, and, without such a friend, a desperate case. Now Christ is such a friend. he is understanding and wise, perfectly to know what our case is, and what we want, and what is the wisest and best way to afford relief, and supply all our wants; and he has full power to do whatever his wisdom dictates. And in this respect he is distinguished from all other persons in the universe; none but he was able to befriend us in the case in which we are. This will more fully appear, before we have done.

2. He has the heart of a friend in all respects, and to the most perfect degree; or, he is willing and fully engaged to do all he can do for his people; all they can possibly want to have done in any case, and at any time. All other friends fail here. Though they are able to do but little for their friends comparatively, yet they nave not goodness enough to do all they can, in all cases, and at all times. They have not the heart of a friend to perf9Ction; so are not friendly to the utmost of their power at all times, but may be very unfriendly in some instances; therefore cannot be relied upon without caution, and danger of being disappointed. But Christ has the heart of a friend to infinite perfection, so that he can be relied upon in all cases, without any limits or danger. His benevolence to his people is without any bounds, and sufficient to surmount the greatest difficulties in the way of their good, and prompt him to do things infinitely great for them, and bestow on them the best and the greatest good, however unworthy and ill-deserving they are, and however criminal and vile their conduct has been towards him, in the most aggravated and horrid abuse of his goodness.

3. He is a friend on whom we are dependent, and to whom we are indebted and beholden in the highest possible degree. This gives great advantage to love and friendship, where the friends and lovers are not equal, but one superior to the other, and the other’s benefactor and saviour to such a degree as to lay his friend tinder the greatest obligations to love and gratitude, And the greater this dependence is, and the more one friend has received from, and is indebted to another, in this way, the more sweet and happy is the love and friendship between them. It is indeed contrary to pride, and an heart that is not formed for true friendship, to be thus united to such a superior as a friend, and to be thus dependent upon, and wholly indebted and beholden to him for every thing; but it is not so, but directly the contrary, with the truly humble sinner: that friend will be most agreeable to such an one on whom he is most dependent, and to whom he is in the highest degree obliged; and we cannot form an idea of any other two friends so happy as these, when this is the case to the highest possible degree, or conceive of any friendship so great, advantageous and sweet as this. It seems indeed to belong to the nature of true creature friendship, even to desire and delight in this circumstance, viz. to be greatly indebted and beholden to the friend we esteem and love: the greater obligations we are under to him the better pleased we are, and the more sweet is the love and friendship. This seems to be owing to two things especially; one is, that hereby we have a clear and striking evidence of our friend’s love to us; which must give sweetness and enjoyment in proportion to our love to him. The other is, that hereby we are led to feel and exercise a love of gratitude, which is peculiarly sweet, in proportion to the love of esteem, benevolence and complacency we have for our friend. In this view, the more we are obliged, the better; and the greater satisfaction and sweetness we have in the friendship. And on the other hand, the more the other has done for the obliged friend, and the greater benefactor he has been to him, the higher enjoyment and happiness he has, in proportion to his benevolence and love to him.

Hence it is, that where persons have undertaken to represent the highest and most affecting instances of true love and friendship, and the greatest degree of enjoyment and happiness in such friendship, and exhibit this to the best advantage in a feigned story or romance, they have formed a history of some one of a high and excellent character, and of a generous, benevolent spirit, setting his heart on one in a mean, low and miserable state and circumstances, to be his spouse. She is, for instance, taken captive by her enemies, and reduced to the greatest poverty and distress, and her life eminently exposed. He, in order to redeem and deliver her, and procure her for his bride and spouse, goes through a long series of self-denial and sufferings; is at great expense, and does great exploits, and exposes his life to an eminent degree, without which she must have perished in the hands of her cruel foes. And thus he delivers her, by risking all that is dear to him in her behalf, and, in a sense, giving his own life for her; so that she entirely owes her life, and all she has, to him, and is under the greatest imaginable obligations to him. In this way he procures her for his spouse. and brings her into the nearest union to. himself, and a foundation is laid for the greatest happiness in each other, in the enjoyment of the most sweet love and friendship; every way to an unspeakably greater degree than could have been in different circumstances, or in any other way, in which she would not have been so much dependent upon, and so greatly obliged to him.

This is but a faint shadow of the case before us, with respect to Christ, the friend and bridegroom of his church and people. They are fallen into an infinitely calamitous and evil Rate; a state of complete, total and eternal destruction; into the hands of the devil, their great and potent enemy, and under the displeasure and curse of the God that made them: being infinitely guilty and ill deserving, the prisoners of justice, bound over to suffer his eternal wrath; not being able or disposed to help and deliver themselves in the least degree. The Son of God was the only person in the universe that was able to redeem and save them; and he was not under the lead obligation to do it. But he voluntarily offered himself, and undertook this most difficult, costly and mighty work; and that from pure love and benevolence to these lost and infinitely miserable creatures, and a desire to procure and present to himself a glorious church, a bride, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but perfectly beautiful and holy, and without blemish, being brought into the nearest and everlasting union and friendship with himself.

In order to this, he gave himself for them. Though he was a person of infinite dignity, riches and worth, he became poor, and humbled himself so as to become a servant, and subjected himself to the greatest ignominy and sufferings, even unto death. He voluntarily put himself into the place and circumstances of his spouse, and when her whole interest lay at stake, and she was in a state of complete destruction, he took the whole of her destruction and sufferings on himself, and went through with the matter: he drank the whole of the bitter cup, that she might escape; he gave his life for her ransom, and spilt his own blood in the most trying circumstances, that he might completely redeem her from the jaws of the most dreadful and eternal destruction, and deliver her from the hand and power of all her enemies. He has survived the dreadful scene, having completed the greatest and most difficult work that ever was, or ever will or can be undertaken, and yet lives to espouse the cause of his people; and will not stop till he has completed the matter, and sanctified and cleansed every one of them with the washing of water by the word, and brought them into the most near, and an everlasting union and friendship with himself, in the most perfect enjoyment of his love, riches, honours and happiness forever and ever.

Thus the redeemed have a Friend, not only in himself most excellent and worthy, and full of the greatest benevolence and goodness, but one on whom they are in the highest degree dependent, and to whom they are indebted and obliged in the highest imaginable or even possible degree, in a manner which is most pleasing to them, and serves to render him unspeakably more excellent and worthy in their eyes, and give a sweetness to their love and friendship, which could not be known, in any other circumstances.

No other creatures in the universe have such a friend as this. The angels have no such friend. When some of them fell into sin and wo, they had no friend to redeem them. And the redeemed from among men have had infinitely more done for them, and they are infinitely more dependent on the Son of God for all good and happiness, and indebted and obliged to him, than the angels are. They are the bride, the Lamb’s wife, who are by him redeemed out of great tribulation, from a state of infinite wo, in which they lay perfectly helpless; that he might enjoy them forever in a peculiar union and friendship, which exceeds every thing of this kind in all possible degrees. These circumstances lay a foundation for a sweetness and enjoyment immensely higher than could take place in any other way. In a sense and acknowledgment of what Christ has done for them, and their peculiar dependence upon, and obligations to him, the redeemed will exercise a kind of humble, sweet and beautiful love towards their Friend and Redeemer, which is peculiar to them, and never could have had an existence in any other way but this; and which will be the eternal source of a most sweet and high enjoyment, which no stranger, none but the beloved bride, not even the angels, can intermeddle with or taste. In the exercise of this peculiarly sweet love and friendship towards their infinitely dear and glorious Friend and Redeemer, they will eternally sing a new song, which none but the redeemed, the bride, the Lamb’s wife, can possibly sing or learn, to all eternity; no, not even the highest and bed angel in heaven; saying, “Worthy is the Lamb to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory; for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood, and hast made us kings and priests unto God.” Well then may they now begin to say, with a heart-felt sweetness, and joy which is unspeakable and full of glory, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend.”

4. Jesus Christ is a friend who has exercised the highest degrees of love, and has given the greatest possible testimonies of it.

In order to true friendship there must be mutual love. This is essential to the character of our friend, that he loves us; and he acts in this character, and maintains friendship, by exercising love, and giving proper tokens and manifestations of it, on all occasions. Solomon observes, that “A friend loveth at all times.” And he is the greatest friend, whose love is the strongest, and is exercised and manifested in the most difficult and trying circumstances.

Now Christ has distinguished himself from all others in this respect, and has discovered himself to be infinitely the greatest and best friend. This appears from what was said, under the last particular, of what Christ has done and suffered for his spouse; for in all this he exercised and expressed his love, and that in the most trying circumstances, and to the highest possible degree. One thing that recommends a friend, and adds to his worth and excellence, and makes him dear to his beloved, is, that he is a tried friend; he has persevered in his friendship, and exercised and expressed his love in the most difficult case imaginable i in doing which he has been at the greatest pains and cost, while he had the created temptations to give up his beloved. Jesus Christ is such a tried friend, and that to the greatest possible degree.

“Greater love hath no man,” says this greatest and chief of all friends, “than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” But Christ’s love and friendship has infinitely exceeded this. He has done and suffered more for his people than merely dying for them, a thousand times over. He drank the bitter cup for them, which was infinitely more than merely dying a violent death. He was made a curse for them, and suffered a sense of the wrath of God. This drank up his spirits: the foretaste of it threw him into the most amazing agony: and this made him cry out, in inexpressible and most astonishing anguish, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me!” What is the most cruel death that ever martyr suffered, to this? The martyrs have been able to rejoice in the midst of all the keenest tortures enemies could inflict. They have sung in the flames, and found it the most happy, joyful hour they ever saw. And so might Christ have done on the cross, had he but their supports, and no more to suffer than they. But what he suffered in his death was something infinitely greater and more terrible. Under this infinite weight he hung on the cross, and at last bowed his head and gave up the ghost. This was dying in a sense and degree in which no other person ever did. To die thus was infinitely more, and greater, and more dreadful, than the death of all the ten thousand martyrs who have fallen a sacrifice to the cruelty of their bloody persecutors. Yea, it was as great a thing and equivalent to the eternal death and destruction which the redeemed deserve, and were exposed to: for he died in their stead; he took their death and eternal destruction on himself. On him it fell in its full weight, and he bore and went through it all. He knew what it would cost him to espouse the cause of sinners; yet he voluntarily undertook, put himself in their circumstances (sin only excepted) and went through with it, without flinching in the least degree. Here is an instance of love and friendship, to which there neither is, nor can be, any parallel in the universe. This is the evidence and token of love which Christ has given to his people; which is infinitely the greatest that ever was, or can be.

Besides, the love of Christ to his people will appear yet greater, if we consider their native character and disposition towards him. He loved them, and died for them, when they were not only mean, worthless, unworthy and infinitely guilty, but his enemies, disposed to hate, despise and oppose him, in his whole character and in all his ways; and even in his most astonishing works of love and kindness to them. Herein he has commended his love to us, in that, when we were his great and inexcusable enemies, he died for us. It is a much higher exercise of love, and a greater testimony of it, to love and die for an enemy, a base, odious injurious creature, than it would be to do this for an excellent, benevolent and much esteemed friend.

What higher evidence and testimony could Christ give of his love of benevolence, to those whom he redeems, than this! And what higher act of love and friendship can there be! Surely his love to his people cannot be doubted of. And if he thus loved them when they were, his vile enemies, he will continue to love them now they are reconciled, and have chosen him for their best friend and patron. And this is an exercise and evidence of a strong and wonderful love, that will unspeakably endear him to them, and add an inexpressible sweetness to this friendship forever.

And, as the effect and further, evidence of this love, see gives them his Holy Spirit to change their hearts, deliver them from the dominion of sin, and the slavery to Satan, in which they naturally are, and implant lasting principles of holiness and love to him, by which their hearts are purified, and unite themselves to him, with the most perfect bond and union of love and friendship. This is another pledge of his great, everlasting and unchangeable love to them. And the saints in this world, so far as they have the evidence that they are the subjects of such a work of grace, may well rejoice, and with unspeakably sweet delight give praise “unto him that has loved them, and washed them from their sins in his own blood.” What wonderful, sovereign love and grace Is this, which overtakes and falls upon the guilty, sinful wretch, while in his full career to hell, running on in the most daring, mad opposition to Christ, and contempt of him, without the least disposition to hearken to the voice of wisdom, and turn at his reproof! Every true Christian ascribes all this to Christ, and is so affected with his preventing, sovereign love and grace, herein exercised and manifested, as to taste an unspeakable sweetness in it. With what sweet delight does he often say, “If I have the least degree of love to Christ, and a heart to know, submit to and trust in him, this is the effect of his eternal preventing, sovereign love and grace, which alone has made the difference between me and those who run on in their mad course to hell! Not unto me, not unto me, but to thy wonderful, distinguishing love and grace, be all the glory!”

It may be also observed here, that Christ has given, them his Spirit, by which they are sealed to the day or redemption, and as the pledge and earnest of their eternal inheritance, so a pledge and token of his unchangeable, everlasting love to them. He has indeed given himself, and all things, to them; he has made them heirs of the whole universe. He has made and is doing all things for their sakes. He says to his church or redeemed ones, “I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour; I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.” (Isa. xliii. 3, 4.) Surely Christ shews the greatest love imaginable to his people, since he gives them all he has to give, and withholds no one good thing from them. Now the more love he has to his people, and the higher and more clear evidence he gives of it, so much the more excellent and valuable friend he is to them; and their happiness in him as a friend will be in proportion to this. How infinitely distinguished, in this respect, is Christ from all other friends! Well may the Christian say, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend.